i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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