Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
