You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
