and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
