Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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