everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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