I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
