I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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