How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
