I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
