i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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