I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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