I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
