Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
