he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
