Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
