It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
