So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
