That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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