sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
