i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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