I have demons in me.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
