There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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