how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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