girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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