it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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