The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
