Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
