How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
