My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
