She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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