everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
