but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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