im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
