I look better un-naked...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
