so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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