NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
