If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
