ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
