is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
