You really coming over, don't trick.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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