I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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