jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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