I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
