Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
