I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
