Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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