dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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