I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
