I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
