i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
