Rock
Scissors
Fuck
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
